I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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