I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
