Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
