ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
