my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
