Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
