I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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