i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
