so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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