she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drunk is not a location!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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