Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I love you. Go after that dick
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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