Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
