Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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