Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
