I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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