He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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