I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
