I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My pussy is not your playground.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
