just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
