If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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