True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
