and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
