just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
