I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
