1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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