i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
