I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
