I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
