i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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