You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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