I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
