How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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