Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
