I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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