you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
