I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
