It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
