i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
