I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Plan B is the new Plan A
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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