I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
