Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
