If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
