Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
