people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
