I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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