I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Enjoy the penises
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
