YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
