ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were destined to go to rehab together
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
