I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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