After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
