I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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