Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
