I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
