I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
