Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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