Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
